Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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