Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
