There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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