It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
