And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
