I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
