either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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