I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize