have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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