He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
