ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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