Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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