thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
