We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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