Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
