i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
