dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
