yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
