how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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