I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
