I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize