I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
