the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
