There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
