I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
