I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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