whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
