meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
