Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
