sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
