there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
