omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize