dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize