i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
