I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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