the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
