A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
