I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
