$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
