I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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