You're so nebulous sometimes
Do vagina's smell?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
