There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
