i think my tv is drunk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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