Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
