I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
