If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
