Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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