I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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