Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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