So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
please come you make the beer taste better
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
