This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
