dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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