elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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