I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
In America we eat man semen.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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