I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
