I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
