I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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