didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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