see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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