im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
