pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want to make out with him forever
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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