i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
