The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
