We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
