i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
