His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
