Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
