If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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